Effective military and civilian aircraft construction and utilization

From: The National Board for Aircraft Improvement

To: All aircraft manufacturers, research facilities and military squadrons

Subject: More effective military and civilian aircraft construction and utilization.

The following directives are to be implemented immediately to reduce cost, improve efficiency and improve front line readiness.

1) All funding and research will cease on the bullet-proof balloon project.

2) Designers shall no longer include half-moon cutout on the doors of rest- room facilities. Recent improvements in literacy have eliminated this historic requirement.

3) Concrete will not be used for any airframe despite its availability.

4) Catapult launches combined with air starts of the new Gumbo Red Eye engines have resulted in a number of crashes. Starting the engines first should improve the performance of this engine.

5) Muzzle loading weapons will no longer be carried by any first-line National aircraft.

6) Wagers shall not be conducted between designers within the hearing of test pilots.

7) Designers should attempt to use more modern motifs for civilian aircraft design. The Russo Pterodactyl has met with less than enthusiastic civilian acceptance, although it is felt that the vertically moving wing could be partially the reason for this. 8) All pilots are encouraged to raise wheels only after the aircraft is airborne.

9) All personnel shall direct efforts towards developing a cockpit heating scheme that will eliminate the need for venting exhaust gases into the cockpit areas. The present system apparently causes the instrument faces to be covered with an oil film and renders them difficult to read.

10) There is an ill-chosen group of words, in the latest Slopia Stallion manual. Reference is made to "Wheel Up" ‘ landings. This means that the wheels will not extend; this does not mean that the landing should be attempted with the aircraft inverted.

11) Silk span or model aircraft tissue will no longer be acceptable as covering JJE military aircraft.

12) Since radio communication is common, there will no longer be any training conducted using flags for intra-squadron communication. This is to extend to all flight schools and especially to students flying tie T-22 Buzzard trainer since it requires that the cockpit be open for the flags to be used.

13) The use of sand bags in engine test facilities is encouraged. Note that this means bags filled with sand, not straw. While straw does make the bags easier to handle, the Borsk Test Facility has found them less effective in stopping flying objects.

14) Parachutes should be packed Securely leaving the ground. Attempting to do it in the air and waiting until the last minute is asking for trouble.

Ya'll come back now, ya here...