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At the height of the arms race, the Americans and Russians realized that, if
they continued, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat
down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight.
The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop
the
best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its
country the right to rule the world. The losing side would have to lay down
its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and rottweilers in the
world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the
meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy
from each
litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk.
They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing
machine,
until, after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison
bars on his cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.
When the day of the big fight arrived, the Americans showed up with a
strange
animal: It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the
Americans. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the
growling beast in the Russian camp. The bookies predicted the Russians would
win in less than a minute.
The cages were opened. The dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring.
The Russian dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he
got to within an inch of the American dog, the dachshund opened its jaws and
swallowed the Russian beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small
bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.
The Russians approached the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. "We
do not understand. Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years
with
the meanest, biggest Dobermans and rottweilers. They develop! ed a killing
machine."
"Really?" the Americans replied. "We had our top plastic surgeons working
for
five years to make an alligator look like a dachshund!"
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Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.
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