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The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and
decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy
father was to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man
should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to......"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"
Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
made a specialty of
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do
we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch
and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the
living room floor is fun
too....you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, my, that's a lot of ...! ! ," gasped Mrs.
Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his
time. I'd love to be in and
out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with
that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
a portfolio of his baby
pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when
you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to
the park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and
five deep, pushing to get a
good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened
in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than
three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could
hardly concentrate!
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my
shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
chewed on your, um,
equipment ?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll
set up my tripod so that
we can get to work."
"Tripod??", questioned Mrs. Smith.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for
me to hold for very long.
Madam? Madam?... ...Good
Lord, she's fainted!"
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