Blonde jokes

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
blow dryer!

Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
what she did with her pencil.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the
bosses' faces.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression
in her forehead!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a
blonde track team?
A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player
and a blonde?
A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "Are you done already?"
The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke
of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A: Practice.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
A: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them

Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.

Q: What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
A: They're both stuck up c*nts!

Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their niples.

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into
those little packages.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.

Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate
before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Ya'll come back now, ya here...