Bush Jokes - Vol. 1 of 18,495,833

Parts of New England got up to 4 feet of snow a few days ago. Most of the eastern seaboard from West Virginia north got at least 2 feet.

Washington, D.C. pretty much shut down. Why, even the President's day was messed up (on President's Day, no less) when a normally half-hour helicopter trip back to the White House from Camp David turned into an 4 hour ordeal in a black Suburban for Dubya.

Returning to the White House, a clearly tired Bush was asked by a pool reporter, "Mr. President, roads and airports are closed all over the Northeast. What is the US Government doing to help those travelers stranded by the blizzard?"

Mr. Bush replied, "Well, if their helicopters or corporate jets were grounded by the storm, we're gonna lower their taxes to help ease their pain."

"But Mr. President," continued the reporter, "What if they don't own a helicopter or corporate jet?"

While the president did answer the question, since this a family oriented humor column, we are unable to print his two word reply of "Fuck 'em".

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

Before the inauguration, George Bush was invited to a get- acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. There, he was astonished to see that the President had a gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "When I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "By the way, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."

Ya'll come back now, ya here...