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FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as
you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes
both, hires you to
take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors
help you take care of
them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to
take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes
both and shoots
you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government
fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes both and drafts
you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
decide
who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your
neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give
you two cows if you
vote for it. After the election, the president is
impeached for
speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair
"Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them
sheeps' brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government
regulates what
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then
it pays you not to
milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one,
milks the other and
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you
to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk
at a fair price or
your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy
a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell
three of them to your
publicly - listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your
brother - in - - law at the bank, then execute a
debt / equity swap
with associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with
a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights
of six cows are
transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
Islands company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells
the rights to all
seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The
annual report says
that the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung
shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government
bans you from
milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and
adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and
denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the
concept of
"ownership" is a symbol of the phallo -
centric, war - mongering,
intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less
valuable to
society) bovines of non - specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these
two cows, man. You
got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government
requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
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Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.
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