What's the difference between...

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45lbs....

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes....

One sperm says to the other " How far is it to the ovaries?"
The other one says, "Relax. We just passed the tonsils."

So they found Adolf Hitler. That's the good news.
The bad news is that they're going to try him in Los Angeles.

What is the definition of "Making Love?"
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
Sexual Harassment.

What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.

What's the difference between pink and purple?
The tightness of your grip.

How are women like rocks?
You skip the flat ones.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

How can you tell if your husband is dead.
The sex is the same but, you get the remote.

What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

How do we know god is a man?
Because if god was a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.

What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers?
Well-hung.

What's another term for lesbian?
"Vegetarian"

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.

What does a Polish woman do after she sucks cock?
Spits out the feathers.

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
HUMPME DUMPME.

Ya'll come back now, ya here...