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Q. What's the difference between a Walrus and an Essex Girl?
A. One is wet, has a moustache and smells of fish - the other is a walrus.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex man and an Essex girl?
A. The Essex girl has a higher sperm count.
Q. What does an Essex girl say after having sex ?
A. What team do you guys play for?
Q. What's the difference between Gorbachev and an Essex girl?
A. Gorby knows the names of the eight people that fucked him!
Q. What do Essex girls use for protection during sex?
A. Bus Shelters.
Q. How does an Essex girl turn the light out after sex?
A. She shuts the Cortina's door.
Q. How do you make an Essex girl's eyes sparkle?
A. Shine a torch into her ear.
Q. How can you tell if an Essex girl is having a bad day?
A. Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Q. Why does an Essex girl wear knickers?
A. To keep her ankles warm.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board?
A. Occasionally you have trouble getting the legs apart on an ironingboard.
Q. What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl?
A. A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and the titanic?
A. You know how many men went down on the titanic.
Q. Why is an Essex girl like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when fucked.
Q. Why do Essex girls use tampons with long strings?
A. So the crabs can go bungy jumping.
Q. How do you know when an Essex girl's had an orgasm?
A. She drops her bag of chips.
Q. What does an Essex girl do with her cunt after sex?
A. She takes him down the pub.
Q. What do an Essex girl and President Gorbachev have in common?
A. They both get fucked by eight men while on holiday.
Q. How many Essex girls does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie?
A. Five. One to stir the mixture and four to peel the smarties.
Q. What's the similarity between an Essex girl and a dog's turd?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up!
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A. You can dump your load in a washing machine without it following you around whining for a week.
Q. Why are Essex girls only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them if they take an hour.
Q. Why was the Essex girl so pleased to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 18 months?
A. Because the box said "From 2 to 5 years"
Q. What does an Essex girl say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
A. Is it mine?
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.
Q. What do you call an Essex girl with an IQ of 150?
A. Basildon
Q. What's the similarity between Essex girls and carpenters?
A: They both have saws in their box
Q. How do you make an Essex girl laugh on a Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.
Q. Why does an Essex girl drool?
A. Because she is full.
Q. What's the first three things an Essex girl does in the morning?
1: Says "Thanks guys... "
2: Introduces herself.
3: Goes home.
Q. How do you tell when an Essex girl is having her period?
A. She's only wearing one sock.
Q. What's the difference between a computer and an Essex girl?
A. You only have to punch information once into a computer.
Q. If an Essex girl and a Surrey girl jump out of an aeroplane at the same time, which one would hit the ground first?
A. The Surrey girl; the Essex girl would have to stop to ask directions.
Q. Why is it good to have an Essex girl passenger?
A. You can park in the handicapped spots.
Q. What's the similarity between Robert Maxwell and Essex Girls ?
A. Both go down in Tenerife.
Q. What does the label in an Essex girls knickers say?
A. NEXT!
Q. Why do Essex girls wear green lipstick?
A. Red means stop.
Q. Why do Essex girls wear so much hair spray?
A. So they can catch all the things going over their heads.
Q. Why don't you let Essex girls take coffee breaks.
A. It takes too long to retrain them.
Q. Why do Essex girls wear hoop earrings?
A. So they'll have someplace to rest their ankles.
Q. What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent Essex girl?
A. There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.
Q. What does it mean if you see an Essex girl with square boobs?
A. She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
Q. How do you drown an Essex girl?
A. Don't tell her to swallow.
Q. How do you plant dope?
A. Bury an Essex girl.
Q. What do Essex girls and computers have in common?
A. You don't know what you are missing until they go down on you.
Q. What did the Essex girl say after the guy blew her in the ear?
A. Thanks for the refill.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and the Panama Canal?
A. One's a busy ditch.....
Q. Why do Essex girls write TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
Q. Why do Essex girls like tilt steering wheels?
A. More head room.
Q. Why don't Essex girls like pickles?
A. They can't get their head in the jar.
Q. What do you call six Essex girls in a row?
A. A wind tunnel.
Q. What do you call a Surrey girl between two Essex girls?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the first thing an Essex girl does in the morning?
A. Goes home.
Q. What is the difference between an Essex Girl and a Cream Egg
A. It costs 20p to lick out a cream egg!
Q. What's the mating call of an Essex girl?
A. Gosh, I'm so drunk!
Q. What's the mating call of a Surrey girl?
A. Are all the Essex girls gone?
Q. What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain?
A. Gifted!
Q. How is an Essex girl like a beer bottle?
A. They are both empty from the neck up.
Q. What do you call an Essex girl with a whole brain?
A. A Golden Retriever!
Q. Why is an Essex girl like a turtle?
A. They both get fucked when they're on their back.
Q. How do you kill an Essex girl?
A. Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q. Why do Essex girls work seven days a week?
A. So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q. Why do Essex girls wear shoulder pads?
A. (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q. How do Essex girls pierce their ears?
A. They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q. How many Essex girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daddy!"
Q. How do Essex girl braincells die?
A. Alone.
Q. Why do Essex girls wear red lipstick?
A. Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q. Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shirts?
A. Tits Go In Front.
Q. What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
Q. What do you say to an Essex girl that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
Q. What's an Essex girl's favourite wine?
A. "Daaaady, I want to go to Istudioa!"
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche?
A. You don't lend the Porsche out to your friends.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a toilet?
A. A toilet won't follow you around when you've dumped in it.
Q. Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where you wash vegetables!
Q. What do you call an Essex girl with a pound coin on the top of her head?
A. All you can eat, under a quid.
Q. How does an Essex girl part her hair?
A. (Action of scissoring legs apart).
Q. How do you get an Essex girl to marry you?
A. Tell her she's pregnant.
Q. Why did the Essex girl scale the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Q. What do you do if an Essex girl throws a grenade at you?
A. Catch it, pull out the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you see when you peer into an Essex girl's eyes?
A. The back of her head.
Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb Essex girl, and a smart Essex girl are walking down the
street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A. The dumb Essex girl.
Q. Why?
A. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart Essex girl.
Q. How does an Essex girl like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilised.
Q. How do you confuse an Essex girl?
A. You don't. They're born that way.
Q. Why did the deaf Essex girl sit on a newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
Q. What do you call an Essex girl lesbian?
A. A waste.
Q. Did you hear about the Essex girl lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a bowling ball?
A. You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball
.
Q. Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
A. It kept falling out.
Q. But why do Surrey girls take the pill ?
A. Wishful Thinking.
Q. Why don't Essex girls use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. Why aren't there many Essex girl gymnasts?
A. When they do the splits they stick to the floor .
Q. Why do Essex girl girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A. Who cares?
Q. What did the Essex girl say when asked "ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
A. "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."
Q. How are a bowling ball and an Essex girl alike?
A1: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in
the gutter and they'll always come back.
A2: They're both round and have three holes to poke.
A3: You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball
.
Q. How did the Essex girl try to kill the bird?
A. She threw it off a cliff.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a limousine?
A. Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q. What do you say to an Essex girl with no arms or legs?
A. "Nice tits!"
Q. How does an Essex girl interpret 6.9?
A. 69 interrupted by a period.
Q. What do a Ford Escort door and an Essex girl have in common?
A. The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Q. How do you brainwash an Essex girl?
A. Giver her a douche and shake her upside-down .
Q. What do you call 15 Essex girls in a circle?
A. A dope ring.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl wife and your job?
A. Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q. What's the irritating part around an Essex girl's vagina?
A. The Essex girl!
Q. How do you describe an Essex girl surrounded by drooling idiots?
A. Flattered.
Q. Why did the Essex girl drown in the pool?
A. Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q. What is the worst thing about having sex with an Essex girl?
A. Bucket seats.
Q. What do Essex girls do for foreplay?
A. Remove their underwear.
Q. Why do Essex girls put their hair in ponytails?
A. To cover up the valve stem.
Q. Why did the Essex girl go halfway to Norway then turn around and come home?
A. It took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.
Q. What did the Essex girl name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.
Q. How do you get an Essex girl pregnant?
A. Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q. What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A. "Debbie... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q. What do you call a fly buzzing inside an Essex girl's head?
A. A Space Invader.
Q. What is an Essex girl's favourite rock group?
A. Air Supply
Q. Why did the Essex girl have a bruised navel?
A. Her boyfriend's from Essex too.
Q. Why did God create Essex girls?
A. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge .
Q. Why do Essex girls have one more brain cell than a cow?
A. So when you pull their tits, they don't shit on the floor.
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