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Comprehending Engineers - Lesson One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well,
I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes
and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Lesson Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Lesson Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! The pastor said,
"Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
[dramatic
pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied,"Oh, yes, that's a group of
blind
fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
for
a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do
for
them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers - Lesson Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion
dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine
to
work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The
engineer
reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge
machine.
at the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is".
The
part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an
itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1.
Knowing where to put it, $49,999.
Comprehending Engineers - Lesson Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Lesson Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers - Lesson Seven
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features
yet."
Comprehending Engineers- Lesson Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of
the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the workstation and get some work done.
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